The first poem of many. These are memories that I recount ever so often. TW!
Little Poems about My Life
Around 2021, you called me on face time. Twice. I didn’t respond. My lack of patience and willpower was the reason for my avoidance. It’s much easier to ignore the past with an eye roll, then welcome it back in with a fake smile.
Around 2020, I moved to Tel Aviv. I didn’t speak a word of Hebrew. I found myself leaving behind my signature gold hoops for pearl earrings. I can’t for the life of me find those hoops.
Around 2017, my grandma died. Mom says it was cancer, my aunt says it was stress. I say it was a tragedy. She died without having had a bat mitzvah, so I started an organization in her honor. The organization lasted 6 months.
Around 2019, I started to eat again. This time it would stick although sometimes I wish it didn’t. I miss the pain it caused me. My mom says she’d rather see me cry at 13 than at 18. Little did she know, I would be crying at 13 and 18. It seems time flies when you're having fun.
Around 2022, I saw snow for the first time. You called me again. You were in Miami and I was in New York. You hung up before I could say I love you. It was my fault - I answered the call. Maybe I would like the cold if I hadn’t.
Around 2011, I was sitting in a 2011 BMW on my way to the open market. A poor man who knew little of everything comes to clean the windshield made a heart out of the soapy water. My grandma smiled- I wonder when she'll smile next.
Around 2015, my dad had his second gastric bypass surgery. The night before we sat on the balcony, the air was thick. It was the first time I saw him cry. He begged me to start eating again. Maybe it was the irony that made the air so heavy.
Around 2016, I sat with my grandmother in her living room. She shows me a picture book about the Holocaust. She said I looked like the victims. I ate ice cream that night and cried. I forgot to take off my hoops that night and they got stuck in my hair.
Around 2013, I realized my parents were human. He compared me to a girl on the street, but a father is supposed to support his daughter, tell her she’s beautiful. I cried. They argued. My little brother asked if we could play legos. Maybe we could build a new me.
This poem is so moving. I really appreciate the little details like, "He made a heart out of the soapy water," and "I ate ice cream that night and cried." I also love how there isn't any excess detail. Every sentence is stated in a "factly" manner, which just builds up the somber tone of the poem. I love it!
ReplyDeleteyour imagery reads as little bursts of electricity; you start very quietly and silently and shock the reader with what you've experienced. this poem is so beautiful and i appreciate how un-chronological it is, also your personification of Ana.
ReplyDeleteAs we discussed in class, the un-chronological aspect of this poem is SO POWERFUL. At first, I didnt like it, and did not really understand the point of it being out of order (other than it being an example of a type of poem from the book). After I read it again, I loved it because it really shows that grief and healing are not linear. Different aspects of an individuals history can come up at any time and become the focus. The last sentence of every stanza was very powerful, which pulls the reader into the next stanza in a very invested way. I was confused about "Ana," and I think if the speaker could somehow clarify for the readers who dont know that "Ana" is a reference to anorexia rather than a person, it would be much clearer. This poem was ver moving and vulnerable, and I really appreciated it.
ReplyDeleteThis poem did not fully hit me until I read it on my own twice. It had me wondering if the thing or person you refer to as "you" was an actual person or the eating disorder itself? The fact that the dates are out of order adds immensely to the meaning and I think you found the perfect order. I appreciate how open you were here. I also really like the line "I realized my parents were human".
ReplyDeleteHi guys loving all your comments and thank you so much, but please make sure to actually read the poem before commenting. I removed Ana from the actual poem February 2...
ReplyDeleteThis poem really resonated with me because I have had similar experiences with food. I felt a lot of emotion while reading and when you called 'her' "Ana" I was like oh, I know 'her' too. I thought the way you wrote in all forums (formatting, structure, chronology, punctuation etc.) was so different to what I normally read. And I loved it and really felt so much while reading. I really enjoyed.
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