trepidation

 there are moments in my life when i think im going to die

where i look up at the sky 

and realize that the sun 

will always be the same in some relative way 

but 

i will get older 

shorter of breath

one minute closer to death

in those moments, i count how many people I've ever loved 

i wonder if they'll count me into the number of tragedies that ruined their day

next to their spilt coffees and paper cuts 

i think about how in these moments, 

my thoughts are worth more than a dime 

agitation and trepidation 

all i've ever touched, 

all i've ever seen,

this is all my life would have ever been 

impactful lives are a cliche 

when the world ends, people won't remember Marlyn Monroe or Barack Obama  

they'll remember Gd, taxes, and vodka 

in these moments, 

my problems will fade away 

maybe heaven and hell are the same 

my sins wont be used in my eulogy 

my good deeds will be forgotten with my smile

Gd as my witness 

I have these moments where I think I'm going to die and this is one of them.

So i will look up at the sky and take a swing of vodka.

Comments

  1. Professor MillerMarch 6, 2022 at 5:57 PM

    I am impressed by this poem. It reads sort of like one of the poetry challenges in the book, In the Palm of Your Hand--the one that asks you to resurrect a "dead metaphor" or turn a cliché into poetry. Here, the phrase that is being resurrected is the line about thinking you are going to die. What the speaker means by this is moments when she thinks she will die RIGHT THEN, since obviously we all will die.

    The poem also resurrects the saying, "as G-d is my witness," taking it more literally than the phrase is usually used.

    As a meditation on mortality, I find the poem compelling. I find myself nodding in agreement, recognizing similar thoughts that I have had in extreme states of mind.

    I see the lines alluding to (or collaged from) the famous Pink Floyd song, "Time," which is such a a great song. But I am not sure what to do with my knowledge that some of the lines are from Pink Floyd: "shorter of breath / one day closer to death" and so on. I feel like a poem could me made out of a collage of Floyd, but since the poem seems to drop the song reference after the opening, I am not sure what to make of it.

    The last line of the poem is much longer and prosier than the others. I like the idea of it ending my looking up at the sky and counting loved ones, but the wording at the end is bit flat ("allow my problems to fade away.") Better phrase to end on?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Enya SmilovicMarch 7, 2022 at 9:19 AM

    Wow I loved this poem and the message it conveys about life and what is constant. My only suggestion would be to make lines more consistent. They don't need to all be the same length but the super long lines sort of confuse your message. For the second line of
    "where i look up at the sky and realize that the sun will always be the same in some relative way but"
    I would suggest
    Where I look up at the sky and
    Realize the sun will always be the same
    In some relative way, but
    Something like this would break up the lines in a smoother manner, but I loved this poem and its message. Thank you so much for sharing Ms. Poem Machine :))

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rina ShamilovMarch 8, 2022 at 11:13 AM

    i love how subtly dark this poem is, but it also feels like you're smiling about your death. i love the two lines that rhyme in the middle of the poem.
    i think that this line can be refined a bit:
    in these moments, i think about how all my problems will fade away
    - in these moments, my problems fade away-- makes it seem more lingering and pressing. you are constantly changing and decaying and blooming

    ReplyDelete
  4. ElianaMarch 8, 2022 at 6:45 PM

    I am insanely obsessed with this poem! The opening line packs such a punch from the very beginning I'm so drawn in. I love the changing rhyme scheme and the way that the lines are jagged and don't conform to specific meter because it feels like that's the vibe of the poem. The one thing I would change is the line
    "when the world ends, people won't think of Marlyn Monroe or Barack Obama" I feel like its overly wordy and I dont necessarily understand the point thats trying to be conveyed. But otherwise its amazing!


    ReplyDelete
  5. Yael SpodekMarch 9, 2022 at 4:06 PM

    I loved this poem. After reading each line it was like a hit to my gut and it just got more intense as I read. This was my favorite part of the poem:

    impactful lives are a cliche
    when the world ends, people won't remember Marlyn Monroe or Barack Obama
    they'll remember Gd, taxes, and vodka

    It's like the perfect amount of darkness and pessimism but balanced out so well by the reality of these lines.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Poems

questions

  how will the sky look when i die will it be grey with dismay that it lost another soul or happy another cloud has joined will there be tears in my eyes  or the sky's will the stars dance with delight  at the restless, hopeless, careless life that left muddy footprints on the rocks of central park will the wind blow the trees into one smooth motion of jete  i hope their pedals die with me an ode to my life that was in some way part of theirs' will the atmosphere be easy to breath, cause dry, frozen breathes to be sucked in from the nose  and released with a minty sigh  or will the atmosphere be heavy and humid  with sweat building, heart pounding air  that punches you in the lung with each breath who are you betting on that night?  headlines screaming my life vs my faith will the ambulance scream my name in hopes of my survival whisper of my conjugated memory    suspicion and disposition  will the sky question my nobility...
Read more

The first poem of many. These are memories that I recount ever so often. TW!

  Little Poems about My Life Around 2021, you called me on face time. Twice. I didn’t respond. My lack of patience and willpower was the reason for my avoidance. It’s much easier to ignore the past with an eye roll, then welcome it back in with a fake smile. Around 2020, I moved to Tel Aviv. I didn’t speak a word of Hebrew. I found myself leaving behind my signature gold hoops for pearl earrings. I can’t for the life of me find those hoops.  Around 2017, my grandma died. Mom says it was cancer, my aunt says it was stress. I say it was a tragedy. She died without having had a bat mitzvah, so I started an organization in her honor. The organization lasted 6 months.  Around 2019, I started to eat again. This time it would stick although sometimes I wish it didn’t. I miss the pain it caused me. My mom says she’d rather see me cry at 13 than at 18. Little did she know, I would be crying at 13 and 18. It seems time flies when you're having fun. Around 2022, I saw snow for the f...
Read more