Dear John

i don't know why i let you in  compliments sliding off the body of a violin you knew how to play each note with perfection  but those notes were never meant for me  the moon was playing a trick on me  the discharge of the gun is never worth the recoil and now the night stars in the sky remind me of my exit wounds slowly bleeding out  per aspera ad astra this was never supposed to happen  i tried reaching the stars  building the Tower of Babel  but you took it down stone by stone my universe, you would say why reach for the stars when you are the sun?  i have no right to be angry, really heartbreak is virtueless in the eyes of unrequited love  but i am after all, the blind cannot tell the difference between a blackhole and a star  now the curtains have closed  and the sonnet has ended in a dramatic couplet  about an ethereal situation that turned out to be just a fantasy  a poetic figment living in the mind of the moon...

  how will the sky look when i die will it be grey with dismay that it lost another soul or happy another cloud has joined will there be tears in my eyes  or the sky's will the stars dance with delight  at the restless, hopeless, careless life that left muddy footprints on the rocks of central park will the wind blow the trees into one smooth motion of jete  i hope their pedals die with me an ode to my life that was in some way part of theirs' will the atmosphere be easy to breath, cause dry, frozen breathes to be sucked in from the nose  and released with a minty sigh  or will the atmosphere be heavy and humid  with sweat building, heart pounding air  that punches you in the lung with each breath who are you betting on that night?  headlines screaming my life vs my faith will the ambulance scream my name in hopes of my survival whisper of my conjugated memory    suspicion and disposition  will the sky question my nobility...

taxi driver  be my shrink for the hour it's rush hour  so take the express lane if you need to  roll up the windows  before they see the tears roll down my face a child should never see their father cry lock the doors  so they can't get in  drive faster  my demons can't win this race  I can't trust anyone  bleach in my beer bottle  You say, "Let it all out" But the meter's running  and the windows are closed and the doors are locked and the cyanide is choking me up  "Just outrun the demons, could you?" You drive faster  there's a roadblock am I flying or is this just the high  You break the windshield  I hit the ground My confidant, am I allowed to cry? A mix of my blood and tears cause a flood on I95  Boys don't cry  Now I see why 

a love story   Wish me into the afterglow where it’s lights are burning everything down. I’ll hum a tune below, A place where the lively night lays low And the stars dance so clear in this night of June. Wish me into the afterglow. You never let the rush of my tears overflow or at least, never too soon. I’ll hum a tune below. The luster of innocence whispers hello, Your shirt stained with spritz of my signature perfume. Wish me into the afterglow, As the flicker of our youth let's go unrequited if we chose these costumes I’ll hum a tune below. We were pirates in a row The wind knocked out a steady tune. Wish me into the afterglow And I’ll hum a tune below.

are you monogamous towards me  or are you in love with the single idea of me  there are many different layers to my personality  How can you be so attached to one entity  if you don't even believe in more than one Gd  are you monogamous towards me  or, are you infatuated with the love I have exclusively for you that single tiny scar that runs down the end of your eyebrow  the devotion I can and only have for you are you monogamous towards me  or are you in love with one of my facades  I am one body with many different souls   One second I'm crying, the next I'm elated  are you monogamous towards me  or, are you still a stranger to my many other signature perfumes  you claim to know me, but there are more letters in the alphabet than just M E  are you monogamous towards me or are you still stuck in the past of polytheism  

 I mean like what are you Like you know what I mean where are you like from No like where are you really from I mean like what is your race I mean you look Arab, like  I mean like how do you know Spanish I mean like the world is big so who really knows who's what  I mean you must've like converted, right  I mean like you don't look Jewish  I mean like who are you to tell me I'm wrong  I mean I've never heard of anything like you before  I mean like are you mixed I mean you aren't real like I mean like you can't be real  Because like it's hard to hate a person as much I do now  I mean I'm not like antisemitic  But like how are you Jewish, Arab, and Hispanic  I mean I'm like not racist  But like can you teach me Spanish I mean I'm not saying you look like an Arab but like  Free Palestine  I mean like isn't that contradictory I mean like you aren't pro-Hamas  I mean like wait that doesn't make sense  Like aren'...

Trust is a glass of wine  I cusp the cool glass in the palms of my hand careful do not to break it  This is my third glass of wine  This time I will be careful, Stride through the kitchen in slow movement  Don’t spill the wine  Don’t drop the glass  My hands are beginning to shake  There is too much wine in this glass  Steady,  Maybe I should put this glass down,  Give it to someone else,  droplets of wine made tears race down the sides of the glass I can do this  I don’t need help But my grasp is loosening the glass is not safe  But none of that matters  As the cool glass of wine has transformed  shards and wasted liquids  I’ve made a mess  I’ve made a mess I’ve made a mess  I will never drink a glass of wine again

file:///Users/marcelahomsany/Library/Mobile%20Documents/com~apple~CloudDocs/garden%20of%20eden.m4a Some people want love, dream of it sit on the windowsill of a late winter night, fantasizing of what is to come Not me though Oh Heavens no, As a matter of fact, I believe the Heavens would want something more practical for me Like a six, maybe seven, digit paycheck  And a dog, a Siberian husky, if you will They can handle the cold of the city  And apparently I can handle your aloofness You bewitched me A day I will always remember  a day I will always regret You played quite the trick on me, didn’t you You looked me in the eye and said,  “You seem in need of mischief” And I thought, Well, I haven’t had fun in a while This would be the beginning  of my downfall You bewitched me  I never wanted love  Just a little fun Now I’m knocking at your door  Like a caroler on Christmas Eve To my dismay  I have to admit,  you are some magician  Mi...

Tiffany blue lays below the crown molding that sits in the middle of the wall white wallpaper accentuated above with Tiffany blue logos they seem as though they are meant for royalty solo sitting wall it sits to my left Stands between myself and the bathroom This wall is just Tiffany Blue a flood a flood ruined this wall a burst pipe melted it’s form of blood into my apartment from that above us  this wall saved my life lumpy hard wood mold smeared beneath my floor boards Now please Tell me Tiffany Are you tired of watching my mental breakdowns a different wall it’s simply painted Tiffany blue there was no more wallpaper no, this wall sits different from the rest a basic prayer placed as a simple decoration a small saying in an ancient language wishing to be indifferent of the other walls Now Tell me  Do you feel like an outcast, Do you hate your history, Don’t be so dramatic, Tiffany  It was just water