controlling metaphors and a habit of making a mess


Trust is a glass of wine 

I cusp the cool glass in the palms of my hand

careful do not to break it 

This is my third glass of wine 

This time I will be careful,

Stride through the kitchen in slow movement 

Don’t spill the wine 

Don’t drop the glass 

My hands are beginning to shake 

There is too much wine in this glass 

Steady, 

Maybe I should put this glass down, 

Give it to someone else, 

droplets of wine made tears race down the sides of the glass

I can do this 

I don’t need help

But my grasp is loosening

the glass is not safe 

But none of that matters 

As the cool glass of wine has transformed 

shards and wasted liquids 

I’ve made a mess 

I’ve made a mess

I’ve made a mess 

I will never drink a glass of wine again

Comments

  1. Enya SmilovicFebruary 9, 2022 at 6:41 AM

    wowwwwwww! As a clumsy person myself this poem drew me in on so many levels. On the surface this poem is about not breaking a glass full of wine yet implicitly it says so much more. About life and the fear to do anything as we worry about messing up. Or after messing up and reflecting. I felt my moments after I made a mistake as I read and really soaked this in. I love how you repeated I made a mess three times, really emphasizing the point. Such an awesome poem and I really enjoyed reading this.

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  2. Professor MillerFebruary 13, 2022 at 10:11 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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    Replies
    1. Professor MillerFebruary 13, 2022 at 10:11 PM

      Typo in my last attempt at a comment, fixed here: "Please remember everyone that the goal for your comments should be to include at least one piece of praise and one suggestion for improvement. Thanks for all your work on each other's poems!

      Delete
  3. Professor MillerFebruary 13, 2022 at 10:17 PM

    I like the patient attention to a singe image in this poem: the glass of wine. I also thought that the poem did a good job portraying the inner thoughts of the speakers. It's sort of a stream of consciousness poem. My favorite line is "droplets of wine made tears race down the sides of the glass." My main suggestion for improvement is to consider why you do not portray the breaking of the glass. It seems to break, but it is not actually portrayed. I wonder why. The breaking of the glass seems like a potential dramatic moment for the poem.

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  4. Rina ShamilovFebruary 15, 2022 at 9:18 PM

    i like the repetition towards the end a LOT, and i think it ties so well into the ending, which is so clear and definite and certain. you have a very commanding voice in your poems.

    i don't know how i feel about this couplet:

    I can do this

    I don’t need help

    something about this placement felt random and took away from the glass of wine

    ReplyDelete

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