Garden of Eden with voice memo

file:///Users/marcelahomsany/Library/Mobile%20Documents/com~apple~CloudDocs/garden%20of%20eden.m4a

Some people want love, dream of it

sit on the windowsill of a late winter night, fantasizing of what is to come

Not me though

Oh Heavens no,

As a matter of fact, I believe the Heavens would want something more practical for me

Like a six, maybe seven, digit paycheck 

And a dog, a Siberian husky, if you will

They can handle the cold of the city 

And apparently I can handle your aloofness


You bewitched me


A day I will always remember 

a day I will always regret

You played quite the trick on me, didn’t you

You looked me in the eye and said, 

“You seem in need of mischief”

And I thought,

Well, I haven’t had fun in a while

This would be the beginning 

of my downfall


You bewitched me 


I never wanted love 

Just a little fun

Now I’m knocking at your door 

Like a caroler on Christmas Eve

To my dismay 

I have to admit, 

you are some magician 

Misbehavior, Mischief, and Magic 

That should be on your business card


You bewitched me


Fooling all our friends

Telling them anything they’re willing to hear 

Like I could be the one

This could be love

Cheshire smiles 

And high tea laughter 

I could play the game, 

If you could get the cards 

Two players or one?


You bewitched me


I never thought I’d meet you

And the demons that hide in our shadows

Played the game with us

They schemed against us

Fighting hard to ruin this, 

And the unusually usual lovers

Thought you were to propose 

And there were others that thought I was the one 

But that was all before you cast that spell


You bewitched me


Now you hang onto me 

Like the vines in the Gardens of Eden

With magic dispelling from your lips 

The show is over 

the crystal ball fell

Wizards just exist in fairy tales

Happily ever afters are the sweetest scam 

you're not the only one who knows how to disappear

I’m never going to love again

Comments

  1. Enya SmilovicFebruary 7, 2022 at 4:49 AM

    Marcela I love this. The way you used the word heavens in two contexts was very cool. To say first oh heavens no and then the heavens would want more from you. I also love the line that repeats itself like looking into a crystal ball you bewitched me. Very cool use of repetition. In your fourth stanza I would suggest removing the word because from the line "because it's a day I will always regret" I just think the word because gets in the way of showing the regret you feel. I love the warning you emphasize on when choosing to have fun you inform us it will start a downfall. In the sixth stanza you say "you are a some magician" I would suggest removing the a here and just ur shaving you are some magician. I loved this poem so much and found your stylistic choices to be super fun and make the poem even more intriguing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ElianaFebruary 15, 2022 at 5:01 PM

    Oh m Hashem I am obsessed with this poem! So many things jumped out at me first of all, I loved the juxtaposition you created with the words connoting magic and mythical things with basic everyday experiences and objects. It really created this jarring effect where it felt like I was being elevated and then slammed back down to reality which matches the feelings of the speaker who goes through this same rollercoaster. For example, when you say
    "Oh Heavens no,

    As a matter of fact, I believe the Heavens would want something more practical for me

    Like a six, maybe seven, digit paycheck

    And a dog, a Siberian husky, if you will"
    This part seemed to compare this romanticized fantasy with a very different, much harsher reality. Also, when you wrote
    "you are some magician

    Misbehavior, Mischief, and Magic

    That should be on your business card"
    I loved this part because you equate these qualities of fantasy with something as basic and benign as a business card and it really highlights how the person being spoken about was able to use these amazing qualities in a mundane and careless way because they just didn't view it the way the speaker did. Loved it!
    Another thing I loved was the references, which I think always add so much depth to poems generally but I particularly liked yours because I felt like they tie in really well with the overall message. For example when you write,
    "This could be love

    Cheshire smiles

    And high tea laughter"
    and create this connection to Alice in Wonderland, it made me think about how Wonderland was so confusing and backwards and Alice feels like she's in this world where everyone is crazy, or mad, which is how unhealthy relationships can make a person perceive the world. But in the end Wonderland isn't real and neither is the environment that a toxic partner creates. Also the overall references to the Garden of Eden which is about this catastrophic fall that parallels the fall that the speaker feels after this relationship is so cool! Especially considering the fact that a major theme in the story of the Garden is the betrayal of Man against G-d and it feels like betrayal is also a major theme in this poem. I know we are supposed to critique but I loved this poem so much and I really have nothing negatively to say on it. Amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Rina ShamilovFebruary 15, 2022 at 9:14 PM

    this is beautiful and magical, and weirdly, the situation you were in feels so poisonous. the imagery is captivating and helps the reader understand exactly what is happening and where it is happening.
    a few lines that really stood out to me were:

    I never thought I’d meet you

    And the demons that hide in our shadows-- this was so gorgeous and terrifying.

    also,

    Now you hang onto me

    Like the vines in the Gardens of Eden

    With magic dispelling from your lips -- a very universal feeling that you were able to express so uniquely. AMAZING JOB

    ReplyDelete

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