Des Vu

“I crushed a monarch midflight / just to know how it felt / to have something change / in my hands”  

Excerpt From: Ocean  Vuong. “Night Sky with Exit Wounds" 

Buenas, 

¿Como estas? Perdon que no te he podido hablar- he estado soñando. Con el tiempo que pasa, me he dado cuenta que nunca me voy a levantar. Tal vez es el ritmo de tu esperanzas que me tiene dormida and dreaming/ I can only sing to you about my fears/ how one winter morning/ I cherished your voice/ singing happy birthday to me/ how the next/ the only voice heard was mine/ screaming for you to just take one more breath/ sing me goodbye/ while you lay next to me/ my sweet screams reaching the heavens/ where your song once set its path/ now your soul sits in front of a panel of judges/ I crushed your hand/ 3 squeezes I love you/ fingers intertwined, please squeeze back/ I need to remember how it felt/ when your sweaty palms warmed my ever so cold hands/ now it is your hands that are cold, and the sweat of my palms are replaced my tears/ and the blood has rushed from my hands to my head/ I cannot give you the warmth and life you once gave me/ my hands now hold a cold misshaped rock/ I set it on your grave with the memories i have of you/ how easy it was to hold your hand/ how hard it is to hold this rock/a voice cracked due to water damage/ I was 32 when you died/ I don't know how I'm going on without you/ empty of these hands/ my eyes are opens/yours collapsed/ the wind building up the courage to blow me into the abyss/ started running from this life to the next/ i used what you left me to buy the dream we were gonna live together/ but I can't outrun the emptiness i feel without you/ there's a city a see out my window/ pockets of life who never knew your name/ your youngest son was 1 when you left / he never celebrated a father's day/ I can't shut the blinds of these windows/ some nights, you are those pockets of light/ some nights, those lights help me see/ why you left, I will never know/ desires of man have never  outweighed those of Gd's/ to be tripped in the race to paradise/ I'm beginning to forget things/ the price I pay for the sins I've committed without you/ my partner in crime has been replaced by your ghost/ Jamil/ to what importance/ there are people in my room who claim they are my children/ who are they, Jamil?/ a mother can never forget her children/ I cannot recognize the beings before me/ they told me I have 5/ but only 2 stand in front of me/ one must be the son who never saw a father on father's day/ the other must be the one who didn't get enough/ they stand sour at each others' sight/ but where are my daughters Jamil?/ buenas? / hello?/ I miss you Jamil/ a sip of espresso/ a sip of a life with you/ a single lick of the lips/ i am bound to the clock of recollection/ the echo of your song caged in my memories/ this chair is comfy and i dreaming/ I cannot say where you've went/ where you will no longer be/ with a white glow that refuses hunger/ fragments of your face appear in each one of these men/a phantom has replaced my reflection in the mirror/ my mind has erased into the screams of your name/ I sit in a chair looking out the window, wondering when you will come back home/ beyond the pockets of light and shades that you used to close/ a purple spring night lifts my eyes to yours/ I have lived this life more a widow than a wife/ but those memories have been replaced with the sound of your voice.

Comments

  1. Professor MillerApril 5, 2022 at 7:03 PM

    Fascinating experiment with Vuong's signature form. We will be discussing it in class, and I will give you my comments then.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Enya SmilovicApril 6, 2022 at 9:18 AM

    this is so cool Marcela. I am not familiar with Vuong but this is a unique style and I love that you try out different things. I want to point out my favorite parts but hard to say stanza with this form. Towards the bottom of this work of art a group of lines really captured my attention: a sip of espresso/ a sip of a life with you/ a single lick of the lips/ i am bound to the clock of recollection/
    I love the movement here as you go from a simple espresso, then connect that concept to life with someone. In a sense coffee gives us that energy to do life so it's cool how you connected the idea of getting energy to overall life with the person who gives you what coffee can. Then you go forward and talk about that single lick of the lips, then bound to this clock that will constantly move backwards in a sense. It's like your stuck in a never ending motion. But at the same time it's a mysterious poem that leaves me with so much to think about. The mystery here is exciting not confusing and this is hard to achieve. You do such a great job leaving me to ponder, but not unsure. Loved this poem and all the directions it can go in. I am so excited to hear more in class, amazing work!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. rachelwritesApril 6, 2022 at 11:25 AM

    MARCELA. This is stunning. I'm not familiar with this form but you make me want to be. It works perfectly with the message you're trying to (at least seemingly) to make - the scatteredness of a grieving wife. You portray it perfectly. Me encanta la apertura en español! Usas un lenguaje hermoso.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ElianaApril 6, 2022 at 12:01 PM

    I am literally in love with this!! It's so poetic and beautiful there are so many lines that stand out to me! I love the Taylor Swift reference, "I crushed your hand/ 3 squeezes I love you" and the line " I have lived this life more a widow than a wife" is so powerful and such an impactful ending. I really felt so emotional reading this like it really made me tear up. I think you captured something so chaotic and gorgeous and it really is just so incredible

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rina ShamilovApril 13, 2022 at 8:31 AM

    this is such a beautiful poem, see the sheet for my comments! <3

    ReplyDelete

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